May 7, 2013 And I still haven't changed my Life . . . from the outside

Well, my Dream Stealers have been at it for months . . . and I just couldn't figure out how to let their energy move thru me and not stick in my gut.  So, I've taken a few classes.

One was the Heart Forgiveness workshop with Heather Honey Smith, LMT in Brandon. http://brandonsetcenter.com/heartforg.htm

It's a group class where you don't have to vocalize your struggles, or fill in any blanks in your life with the group.  All the work is done internally in your own HEART and Head while listening to a the voice and lessons of Dr. Ed Carlson.

Boy, did things come up for me!  It was a great 4 week class, and I do know I got over a bunch of "stuff" that I feel keeps cropping up over and over in my life. Little things that had been said to me as a small child, a kid, a teen and as an adult. Some from family members, others came from teachers or counselors, people I was suppose to look up to for direction.

Now, I get it. Now, I see how remembering those words and actions of those adults, were for me, a way to never excel because I had been trained to think I never could.  In anything. Period. 

Example, my Mom was our Brownie Leader, Scout Lead through most of my years in the group. Rather than let me work on badges and projects on my own, or for me to learn to fail on my own, or EXCEL on my own, Mom would "help me" with whatever it was.

I felt like I could never do anything great.  I was never good enough. From one incidnet with my Mom and Aunt, I began to instantly beleive that what I said couldn' be the truth. I witnessed 2 boys breaking into a school in southeastern GA as we were driving through town one afternoon. I told Mama and my Aunt. My Aunt instantly didn't believe me, and Mom followed her lead, this was her older sister after all.

Now, my Dad had instilled in me to be observant, to watch, look, listen, notice the small things.  One of his favorite things to do was to check my memory on the TV show sounds.  How many times did the Sheriff fire the gun on opening scene to Gunsmoke? How many doors clanged closed on Get Smart? I learned to pay attention, because I never knew when I'd be tested.  And I HAD to be correct, or had to listen to Daddy tell me that I was not paying attention or was not good, or I was wrong - always a bad thing to have to hear. My self esteem suffered forever.

So, within a few blocks my Aunt did turn her car around, and they both saw the boys climbing in and out of the school windows.  They called the police when we got back to my Aunt's home. Even when it was proven by the police to BE the truth, I can't remember ever being vindicated, at all by either of them. I don't remember being thanked for noticing. They didn't even let me hear the truth from the police over the phone.

I just learned, over and over, that no one would ever really believe me about some things. 

Why?  Beacuse those adults had their own issues they were not dealing with and projecting their thoughts and ideas onto me. Dang, it really wasn't all about me, after all.  How cool is that?

I feel much better about a lot of childhood things now!  Thanks Heather for encouraging me to take this class while I was laying on your table getting some sinus work done!!! xoxo

Recently installed Security Alarm

   Well, it's Tuesday and I haven't written every day - as I said I'd do.  Gees, so many things have happened, but sitting down here to write isn't a habit yet.  Here's my story for the day.

   Recently, we had our friend John Severns (941-650-5356) instal a Devcon Security System in our house.  I've never lived with one of those things, so it's been an effort to remember to set the alarm when I leave - and at night before bedtime.  It's real easy to remember to turn it off when I come back home because the box makes a lot of noise when I open the door!  However, it's a pain if we set it at night, then have to get up in the middle of the night and every morning has become a challenge!

   It's usually me letting the dogs out, so I get to walk out of the bedroom, down the hall, through the Sun Room, through the mostly empty Living Room area, to the Kitchen where the box is located.  Sometimes, this journey also involves our 2 girl dogs, Bella the Cocker Spaniel and Madelyn the Rat Terrier.  And sometimes both cats, Molly and Trixie, meet us at the bedroom door and follow us up the step to the Dining Room, then around the 1/2 wall to the Kitchen door, so I can "disarm" the thing.  It's a large, rambling house, not all furnished mind you, but a long expanse of floor to cover when you all have to pee.  I can then disarm the alarm. 

   By this time I really need to pee and so do the dogs who are excited and turning circles around my feet!  We all walk back through the Dining Room, down the step, through the Living Room, through the Sun Room, open the slider and race out through the Pool area.  Then manage to open the screen door to the back yard.  Being the human girl, I come back inside and use a real bathroom.  If I was the guy, I'd pee in the yard.  Who'd ever know?

   So, this morning about 4:00AM, Bella wakes us up growling and barking at the Bedroom window.  You would have thought it was a burglar.  I got up to check it out and sure enough, it was a . . .  raccoon eating the date nuts under the palm tree.  How does she hear these things?

   Art wakes up, takes off his CPAP and yells at the dogs to stop barking.  Madelyn has now chimed in with her shrill little bark.  Not thinking, I unlatch the window and slide it up for Bella to bark at the raccoon and scare it away.  Guess what, the security alarm works!

   By now, Art is up and out of bed and headed to the kitchen - via that long path mentioned previously - to turn off the alarm.  Of course, there isn't enough light in the kitchen at 4:00AM, so he's upset that he can't read the buttons on the box to shut it off.  I think it's all a little silly, which kinda pisses him off.

   He wants to know where my phone is because the Devcon company will be calling me first before the police.  I mention they are to call him 2nd - and his cell phone is closer than mine in the Bedroom.  I still haven't pee'd.

   I choose to find the Bathroom first, and then go back to the Bedroom for my phone.  Yep, they had called at 4:04AM and at 4:06AM.  So I redial the number, chat with the nice lady who is perky, professional and obviously wide awake on the other end of the phone line.

   False alarm I say and give her our password.  All is well.  I traipse back through the house to the yard to fetch my dogs from the yard.  Then meander back to the Bedroom with 8 little feet racing beside me.  That's 32 little toenails clicking on laminate and tile, not counting the dewclaws. I get back into bed for a nice nap till 6:00AM.

   I still don't think Art sees the humor in any of this.  Hoo-Boy!

Starting Over, again

   Okey, dokey - When I created this blog last year I wanted to write on here daily, share my experiences, tell folks of cool things to do and see in my newest living area of the USA, offer some healthy tips, yummy recipes, food choices,show some photos and generally spread Positive Energy and Good Cheer!  Well, I kinda got shot down.
   Several influential folks in my life told me that I was just wasting time on a blog.  Simply put, I was once again avoiding the reality of life. What I really needed to be doing was spending time either looking for a real job or talking to folks about my Home Based Business - so I could make MONEY and bring more income into my household.  Rats!  So I stopped writing.
   I felt like someone had ripped a part of me away, I was sad, too.  And immediately felt unfulfilled - beacuse I know that I'm suppose to grow up and be a writer.
   Why? Because I LOVE to write and share things of interest. I've always seen things others miss.  Like those tiny purple flowers over there on the ground 6 feet away from the trail.  Or the way my neighborhood Hawk sits patiently for ever on an upper tree limb, just waiting to swoop up that field mouse for dinner.  Or the way the Conk looks under water as he slowly scoots along beside my kayak. 
   Gees, the first thing that came up on my "Spiritual Gifts" questionnaire list was HELPER.  That made sense to me!  Tho, I did think that "coordinator" was going to be the first "gift".

   So, Damn the Torpedoes, Full Speed ahead!  I'm going to do this Blog thingy!  I'll use my timer on my phone, and only write for 15 minutes a day.  Every day.  That's my new plan A.  Maybe, I should call it my 2012 Resolution?

   What are you going to do this year that YOU love to do?

Some Days I wake up Singing

This is a new day, actually every day I wake up is a new day.  I can choose to start over in the same place where I left off before I feel asleep.  Or I can choose to begin a new each morning.  Some days it's easier than others to "begin anew".  You ever feel that way?  This week I've been home and quiet a lot due to illness.  Not being able to talk comfortably (laryngitis) or to smell the fragrances in the air (sinus infection) or to take a deep breath (bronchitis) has made me think a lot about where I am, how I got here, and what I'm going to do with my life.  The idea here, is to write everyday - positive thoughts and feelings.  To record only the good that come to me and those I love. Chime in as you like . . . companions on this journey are always a Blessing!