May 7, 2013 And I still haven't changed my Life . . . from the outside

Well, my Dream Stealers have been at it for months . . . and I just couldn't figure out how to let their energy move thru me and not stick in my gut.  So, I've taken a few classes.

One was the Heart Forgiveness workshop with Heather Honey Smith, LMT in Brandon. http://brandonsetcenter.com/heartforg.htm

It's a group class where you don't have to vocalize your struggles, or fill in any blanks in your life with the group.  All the work is done internally in your own HEART and Head while listening to a the voice and lessons of Dr. Ed Carlson.

Boy, did things come up for me!  It was a great 4 week class, and I do know I got over a bunch of "stuff" that I feel keeps cropping up over and over in my life. Little things that had been said to me as a small child, a kid, a teen and as an adult. Some from family members, others came from teachers or counselors, people I was suppose to look up to for direction.

Now, I get it. Now, I see how remembering those words and actions of those adults, were for me, a way to never excel because I had been trained to think I never could.  In anything. Period. 

Example, my Mom was our Brownie Leader, Scout Lead through most of my years in the group. Rather than let me work on badges and projects on my own, or for me to learn to fail on my own, or EXCEL on my own, Mom would "help me" with whatever it was.

I felt like I could never do anything great.  I was never good enough. From one incidnet with my Mom and Aunt, I began to instantly beleive that what I said couldn' be the truth. I witnessed 2 boys breaking into a school in southeastern GA as we were driving through town one afternoon. I told Mama and my Aunt. My Aunt instantly didn't believe me, and Mom followed her lead, this was her older sister after all.

Now, my Dad had instilled in me to be observant, to watch, look, listen, notice the small things.  One of his favorite things to do was to check my memory on the TV show sounds.  How many times did the Sheriff fire the gun on opening scene to Gunsmoke? How many doors clanged closed on Get Smart? I learned to pay attention, because I never knew when I'd be tested.  And I HAD to be correct, or had to listen to Daddy tell me that I was not paying attention or was not good, or I was wrong - always a bad thing to have to hear. My self esteem suffered forever.

So, within a few blocks my Aunt did turn her car around, and they both saw the boys climbing in and out of the school windows.  They called the police when we got back to my Aunt's home. Even when it was proven by the police to BE the truth, I can't remember ever being vindicated, at all by either of them. I don't remember being thanked for noticing. They didn't even let me hear the truth from the police over the phone.

I just learned, over and over, that no one would ever really believe me about some things. 

Why?  Beacuse those adults had their own issues they were not dealing with and projecting their thoughts and ideas onto me. Dang, it really wasn't all about me, after all.  How cool is that?

I feel much better about a lot of childhood things now!  Thanks Heather for encouraging me to take this class while I was laying on your table getting some sinus work done!!! xoxo

Let's Detox together!

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