May 7, 2013 And I still haven't changed my Life . . . from the outside

Well, my Dream Stealers have been at it for months . . . and I just couldn't figure out how to let their energy move thru me and not stick in my gut.  So, I've taken a few classes.

One was the Heart Forgiveness workshop with Heather Honey Smith, LMT in Brandon. http://brandonsetcenter.com/heartforg.htm

It's a group class where you don't have to vocalize your struggles, or fill in any blanks in your life with the group.  All the work is done internally in your own HEART and Head while listening to a the voice and lessons of Dr. Ed Carlson.

Boy, did things come up for me!  It was a great 4 week class, and I do know I got over a bunch of "stuff" that I feel keeps cropping up over and over in my life. Little things that had been said to me as a small child, a kid, a teen and as an adult. Some from family members, others came from teachers or counselors, people I was suppose to look up to for direction.

Now, I get it. Now, I see how remembering those words and actions of those adults, were for me, a way to never excel because I had been trained to think I never could.  In anything. Period. 

Example, my Mom was our Brownie Leader, Scout Lead through most of my years in the group. Rather than let me work on badges and projects on my own, or for me to learn to fail on my own, or EXCEL on my own, Mom would "help me" with whatever it was.

I felt like I could never do anything great.  I was never good enough. From one incidnet with my Mom and Aunt, I began to instantly beleive that what I said couldn' be the truth. I witnessed 2 boys breaking into a school in southeastern GA as we were driving through town one afternoon. I told Mama and my Aunt. My Aunt instantly didn't believe me, and Mom followed her lead, this was her older sister after all.

Now, my Dad had instilled in me to be observant, to watch, look, listen, notice the small things.  One of his favorite things to do was to check my memory on the TV show sounds.  How many times did the Sheriff fire the gun on opening scene to Gunsmoke? How many doors clanged closed on Get Smart? I learned to pay attention, because I never knew when I'd be tested.  And I HAD to be correct, or had to listen to Daddy tell me that I was not paying attention or was not good, or I was wrong - always a bad thing to have to hear. My self esteem suffered forever.

So, within a few blocks my Aunt did turn her car around, and they both saw the boys climbing in and out of the school windows.  They called the police when we got back to my Aunt's home. Even when it was proven by the police to BE the truth, I can't remember ever being vindicated, at all by either of them. I don't remember being thanked for noticing. They didn't even let me hear the truth from the police over the phone.

I just learned, over and over, that no one would ever really believe me about some things. 

Why?  Beacuse those adults had their own issues they were not dealing with and projecting their thoughts and ideas onto me. Dang, it really wasn't all about me, after all.  How cool is that?

I feel much better about a lot of childhood things now!  Thanks Heather for encouraging me to take this class while I was laying on your table getting some sinus work done!!! xoxo

Starting Over, again

   Okey, dokey - When I created this blog last year I wanted to write on here daily, share my experiences, tell folks of cool things to do and see in my newest living area of the USA, offer some healthy tips, yummy recipes, food choices,show some photos and generally spread Positive Energy and Good Cheer!  Well, I kinda got shot down.
   Several influential folks in my life told me that I was just wasting time on a blog.  Simply put, I was once again avoiding the reality of life. What I really needed to be doing was spending time either looking for a real job or talking to folks about my Home Based Business - so I could make MONEY and bring more income into my household.  Rats!  So I stopped writing.
   I felt like someone had ripped a part of me away, I was sad, too.  And immediately felt unfulfilled - beacuse I know that I'm suppose to grow up and be a writer.
   Why? Because I LOVE to write and share things of interest. I've always seen things others miss.  Like those tiny purple flowers over there on the ground 6 feet away from the trail.  Or the way my neighborhood Hawk sits patiently for ever on an upper tree limb, just waiting to swoop up that field mouse for dinner.  Or the way the Conk looks under water as he slowly scoots along beside my kayak. 
   Gees, the first thing that came up on my "Spiritual Gifts" questionnaire list was HELPER.  That made sense to me!  Tho, I did think that "coordinator" was going to be the first "gift".

   So, Damn the Torpedoes, Full Speed ahead!  I'm going to do this Blog thingy!  I'll use my timer on my phone, and only write for 15 minutes a day.  Every day.  That's my new plan A.  Maybe, I should call it my 2012 Resolution?

   What are you going to do this year that YOU love to do?

Some Days I wake up Singing

This is a new day, actually every day I wake up is a new day.  I can choose to start over in the same place where I left off before I feel asleep.  Or I can choose to begin a new each morning.  Some days it's easier than others to "begin anew".  You ever feel that way?  This week I've been home and quiet a lot due to illness.  Not being able to talk comfortably (laryngitis) or to smell the fragrances in the air (sinus infection) or to take a deep breath (bronchitis) has made me think a lot about where I am, how I got here, and what I'm going to do with my life.  The idea here, is to write everyday - positive thoughts and feelings.  To record only the good that come to me and those I love. Chime in as you like . . . companions on this journey are always a Blessing!